Brandie and the Horrible, No Good, Bad Series of Days...

I came seriously close to losing my mind today.

Thursday we had Parent-Teacher conferences. The boys are having a bully problem, which has me on edge to begin with. Then we got bad reports at BOTH conferences.

Neither child is staying on task or working at his full potential. Both had several assignments that had not been turned in. Neither child seemed to think paying attention, studying, or turning in assignments were important components of their elementary school lives.

Thursday night was spent catching up on late assignments and pep talks and explanations of WHY it's important to take their educations seriously. Orian particularly liked being told that "Old Orian" didn't listen and turned things in late, but "Old Orian" was dead, and he is "New Orian". He wanted to know where we hid Old Orian's body.

Then Friday came and they were both back to their old tricks. They didn't bring home the necessary books for their assignments, or failed to write down an assignment at all.

Adrian marched their happy asses back up to the school and made them get the materials and information they needed.

This morning we all got up and dropped Adrian off at the hospital for staff duty. Back at house, we had some oatmeal and we made homemade clay figures to bake and then paint later. Not too bad.

Dana needed me to watch her guy and girl for a little while. Xavier's attitude was already bad when Connor arrived, but after that the whiney, nit-picky, hateful attitude totally spiked. I guess he was jealous because Orian and Connor play well together? So he criticized Orian's every move all the while I'm asking him to just not say anything if it's not constructive or positive.

This whole almost-teenage thing is going to kill me. Seriously. I know I was a mean teenager, but DAYUM.

Almost immediately it was time to go pick Maddy up. Now, I had routed it out online AND Adrian had explained to me how to get there. Dana had further insured that I would know where to go.

And honestly, the place is NOT hard to find.

But I still managed to get woefully lost, then lost again, then almost found, then lost, then lost some more. I told Connor I thought he should drive since he knew the way better than me, but he didn't think it was a good idea!

I was flustered, mostly because I was making us late to pick her up and I felt incredibly bad about it. But also because something on Isabella's car seat was not quite right since I took it apart to wash the coverings, and she was not completely secure in the vehicle.

I pulled into a gas station parking lot and called the place to let them know I was on my way, lost, and late. They were very nice, thankfully. I attempted to set the car seat right, and thought I succeeded.

I finally found the place, and if I had gone the way Adrian told me to it would have been ridiculously easy and I would have not been the slightest bit late.

Smooth sailing from there, except the kids were STARVING. I had something at home I had cooked just before I left the house, but I was stressed and I was really, really, really hungry and I caved.

Sticking to a budget is feeling so much like being on a diet, and I HATE it! I need a lot of training. So, I failed in frugality.

We got a round of Happy Meals with varying specific directions and I got horrible, bad-for-me fast food that I don't even really like that much. Yesterday I paid for a stamp with change I scrounged because I wouldn't allow myself to use my debit card since we had used up our weekly allowance for spending money. Today I fell off my horrible diet of fiscal deprivation.

Back at the house the kids all ate and played well together and all was well. That was the calm before the storm.

I drove out to make the exchange of children for chocolate (seriously, Dana bought me the most huge, delicious square of chocolate in the history of time). Since I was already there, and we needed milk, and technically today was restart day for the spending allowance, I took the kids into Wal-Mart.

I never should have done that.

I had a short list of things I wanted to get...milk was really the only need. I spent far less than I normally would, but still managed to buy a lot of things I don't need. Including Halloween crocs. At $5, what a bargain, right? LOL, she'll be wearing them for 20 days...if she wears them every day. I think that's like a quarter per wear. Oops.

I did get some cheese since we're out and even though I can cook without it, why would I want to? Bananas, small pumpkins and foam sheets for a craft, ribbons, white Halloween hair spray, craft sealant, etc, etc, etc.

Before we went into Wal-Mart Isabella was sweaty-headed because I'm a dummy and dressed her in a long-sleeved corduroy dress and knit tights this morning (I thought it would be chilly!). She had oatmeal spackled to her dress. And she had chocolate milk around her mouth. We are like the quintessential Wal-Mart family.

I cleaned her mouth with spit.

About half-way through our shopping trip Orian decided he needed to go to the bathroom. Every time we go somewhere, he suddenly needs to go to the bathroom. I don't know if he's part of some secret bathroom club or what.

I sent him off to the bathroom alone because I thought he could handle it.

Apparently NOT.

2 hours later*, I sent Xavier to go check on him. Isabella was counting down to core meltdown. She didn't want to sit in the cart. Also, she wanted to wear her Halloween crocs. No, not with a string between them. "Scissors." "Cut, cut." "Pleeeeeaaasssee."

We tried her standing up and me supporting her upper body. We tried her free-range in the cart. We tried sitting on the bar facing out. She was not pleased.

After finding Orian and missing Xavier, and then finally having all three children in my sight, I grabbed some milk and tried to get the hell out of Wal-Mart.

All the open lines were 3 people deep. And all these people were stocking up for the apocalypse.

I opened a package of mini oreos and bribed her to sit down for bites. When it was my turn, I grabbed the milk out of the cart only to discover the seal had been broken (umm, maybe when Orian hurled it into the basket?) and milk had leaked all over my purse.

I juggled milk, paper towels, my purse, and an Oreo-faced toddler and attempted to check out. I had a clerk go grab me an unmolested carton of milk, and after much pawing and climbing on Isabella's part I was able to pay and leave.

I had a super fun time getting her buckled in. She was screaming and bucking and I was about to go to crazy town. I am sure it was entertaining or disturbing to onlookers. "That lady should never have kids!" Ha.

Stuff in the car, kids in the car, keys in the ignition. Isabella was still writhing and screaming, but we would be home soon.

A little ways out, she is STANDING UP in her car seat. I realize something is seriously wrong and I have got to find somewhere to work on the car seat. This realization comes at a RED LIGHT and shortly after a COP CAR pulls up beside me.

I am a horrible, wretched person and told the boys, "Just keep her sitting down!"

I found a nearby gas station to pull over at and got her out of her seat, which didn't take much. She was worked up and screaming and super sweaty. I took her dress and tights off of her.

WRONG ANSWER.

She was furious. She wanted to wear her clothes!! I couldn't deal with that, so I let her fight with her dress while I got to the bottom of the car seat problem. I quickly realized what was wrong. The little bottom attachments were pushed through the fabric cover but not slid through their slots and secured at the underside of the car seat. Easy fix.

You know what wasn't an easy fix? Getting Isabella back into her car seat.

It was like Satan and Stitch (from Lilo and Stitch, you know this, people) had mated and their spawn was PMSing, drunk, and looking to take a lot of other people down with her.

I tried over and over again to buckle her little ample thighs in, but I was worried I was going to pinch her legs since she didn't have anything but a diaper on. I am sure the situation looked incredibly worrisome to passersby. My frustration level was high. Insert clever metaphor describing exactly how high my frustration level actually was.

Ok, buckled, angry, belligerent, but buckled. The entire ride home she fought against her car seat. It was like how a little frail grandma can lift a truck off her grand-baby. What Adrian calls "retard strength".

The boys tried to keep her maintained in her car seat while I drove, drove, drove. The pinnacle of this awesome experience was when Xavier shouted "OWW" and then began sobbing.

She bit him. Savagely, like an enraged...well, like an enraged toddler.

She snapped and snarled at Orian too, but Xavier was the one who was wounded in the ordeal. He was bleeding, he told me. I got very concerned and asked him to tell me if it was just bleeding or if it required stitches. I entertained the thought of driving to the hospital and dropping all three kids off with Adrian. Xavier could get stitches, Isabella could get some xanax, and Orian could...spend hours in various bathrooms. I would drive away and never be heard from again.

The rest of the drive home, Xavier whimpered and Isabella alternated between "Ow" and "hurt" while she writhed against her restraints.

I got to the house after the longest drive of my entire life and my neighbor, whom I rarely see, was outside looking chatty. Seriously, of all the times to be interested in me...NOW? I got my screaming, sweaty, diaper-clad baby out of the car and smiled like I wasn't thisclose to a nervous breakdown.

I got the crap in the house and Xavier's wound cleaned up. Isabella had some rub issues on her thigh from struggling against her car seat, hence the ow. I gave her a little Tylenol and lots of hugs. I felt guilty because I was seriously not liking her for a while there.

She went to sleep. We decompressed. Everyone is still alive.

Here are some pictures, unrelated to the misery I have endured:

Xavier and I did a science project Thursday night involving the last, precious bit of milk we had. You drop food coloring into milk -



Then you touch a q-tip dipped in dish soap (I think Dawn is preferred, and luckily, that's what we have) to the milk and watch the colors dance -



He really enjoyed it. The results are different depending on the fat content of the milk. See if you can guess why.

And today we finally painted our Halloween clay creations once babyzilla was asleep:

Xavier's work (a melted goo monster, a flesh-eating snowman, and a severed finger) -





Orian made a monster and then did some painting on a pumpkin I shaped -





My crappy little pumpkin -



They had a lot of fun finding places for their creatures. The severed finger is poking out of the flower pot on the stair landing!

Aaaaannnnddd...on the $$ front, I now have $280 saved up for Christmas. I gave Adrian $8 for cafeteria food today, so it would be $288. Is it bad to borrow from the Christmas fund? I'm pretty sure it is. It was the only cash I had, though, and I didn't want him to waste money on an ATM.

*Not really, but it was seriously a long time